Vent

Sometimes I try too hard!
Sometimes I don't try hard enough!
There are times I ask myself, "Why did I say that?"  And times when I wonder why I didn't say anything at all.
Sometimes I wish I knew how to let go of situations that hurt me.
Sometimes I am proud of myself for trying to hold on.
I am honest!
But sometimes I do try to cover up the truth.
I have sense of humour!
But my heart is easily broken, I also know sadness.
I long to be understood.
I find it easy to understand others!
I know who I am and what I yearn for!! Yet there are times that I question this.
I will do the right thing!
I will also do the wrong thing!
I have a passion for things I believe in, a passion so strong that I would give up every material thing I own if it meant putting a smile on the face of someone who I knew had been sad for much too long.
I'm good!
I'm also bad!
I am a mixture of body, mind, and spirit!
I am weak!
I am strong!
Sometimes I am scared of everything!
Sometimes fear will never lead me!
I have never claimed to be perfect yet I have seen perfection in the eyes of every single person I have ever met!
I don't enjoy  feeling needy, but because I know how to live on feelings alone, I willingly give all I can to those who may need me.
I say fuck a lot!
I love more than I fuck!
I am many things!
There are many things I still want to be!
I will be mis-understood by few
Understood by many!!!
There are so many things I think I know
Things I wish I had not seen
Things I wish I could take back.
I have regrets
I wish I knew how to let them go and proudly claim " I have no regrets"
But I am good with the fact that maybe  I am not ready to release them just yet.
I can keep going ... some times I go on an on and on.
There are times when I don't say anything at all!
Sometimes I accept myself for what i am and
My friends will tune me out knowing that all I really need is to vent.. and they know it's ok with me that they are texting someone else. We understand each other at that moment
They know that in my quiet moments I am hearing every word they speak
sometimes i want everything and sometimes don't want anything at all
There are times when all i want is what we can't have
These are the times when i hurt the most
These are the times when I long to be understood
But it's only because I am having a hard time understanding myself.

So what am I really trying to say?
Like it or not we are all the same.
We all feel what I wrote above.
Just for today look deep into the eyes of another human being who has angered you
choose to see all the hidden love that lurks there
Allow them to be whatever they are feeling at the moment
Forget about words and actions too
Love with all your heart
Expect nothing in return
That moment of your life may save that person many hours of pain, indecisiveness, and fear
It may save their life!
and chances are
it may very well save you!

Sometimes I will edit everything I write hoping that others like the comas and the periods and believe that they are all in the right place, you know how they, should! Be;
Most times! I don't edit' a: thjbg!
I am not the "B"egining or the end ".!?"
I am whatever you choose to see!
I could say
"I don't care what you think of me! "
But sometimes I do care because I see the best in you
Of course there will be times when I hope you can see the best in me!
Sometimes I just don't know when to "stop"
And sometimes
I do!