You

I like you because when caught off guard, you really know how to care for things

 And people

 and most of all yourself, the self without ego that is.

I like you because even though you are uptight, rude, distracted, and walking a fine line between here and the other place you haven’t found a name for yet, there are still moments when the glimmer of hope in your eyes cannot be concealed by your careless remarks about me and how I behave while all along all you are trying so desperately to do is protect yourself.

I talk because I like being vulnerable. 

You blame your awkwardness on my chatter because you won’t allow vulnerability into your space, or time, or head, let alone your heart. 

I like you because I know your heart bleeds. 

I know your head aches

and I know you crave kind words... like the ones I text that you won’t read.

The ones that linger on the tip off my tongue when you tell me to shut up, be quiet, or at the best of times say you’ve had enough because I just can not stop.

I can stop. 

Can you “start”?

I like you because you don’t know where things begin.

You only like endings! 

Admit it! 

Endings are what you fear the most,

Arent they? 

There have been too many endings for you, too many false starts, and now you end everything in the beginning and the middle too scared to see it through.

It’s been a long time since anything has really “ended” around you.

You won’t let it. 

It hurts too much! 

But that’s a lie.

Only you can let it hurt

Only you hold on to pain that belongs in the past.

Only you can remain a prisoner of your mind.

Taking all those trivial wounds from the past  into your future 

wrapped like Christmas presents that you will open year after year after year because you are so afraid to let them go.

I like you because I see the man who wants to escape the chains that have held you captive for so long. 

I believe that this is why you keep trying to convince yourself that you don’t like me. 

You know I see all that you have spent so many years trying to hide.

You know I’ve read between the lines. 

I hear the chords you strum. 

I feel the blood you bled when from all the hurt you try to hide your eye catches mine and silently begs me to stop but nit fir too long or you might bleed all over me as well

I don’t care

You think I do

You, 

Well, you, just can not stand to know that I know the man behind the man

You think that I still want...

What you gave me at the start

But no

While you were busy ending things that never had begun

I was crying tears 

Speaking to myself at night

Vulnerability in my sight 

Because all I really wanted was to see you happy, smiling, being the guy I saw that instant when our eyes met, that milli~second when you’re heart pierced through your weary brain and without you even knowing decided that I was going to be allowed to see who you really were.

You know who you are! 

That’s what you said to me? 

The problem here is that I wanted to allow myself to know myself when you so kindly gave me permission to but you

Well

You

You don’t want to know yourself at all 

That may  mean that  endings might  really come and call, maybe destroy your Illusions of today, the future maybe? and you, yes you, you’re  too busy planning how to halt beginnings and middles and then blaming it all on me because it’s so much easier to blame others than to take responsibility

You said that to me once as well

Shortly after sent me to hell

To bleed alone

I really didn’t mind it. I found myself there you see.

Perhaps you will choose not to see any of this

Oh well

I like you because you can’t hide from me

I don’t care who you pretend to be

I have felt your skin when you relaxed

Heard your song when you sat back

I have allowed myself to see your soul

How?

I think you know

That is why you ask me to leave

You know how to quiet me down

Get me to stop

Make not a sound

I don’t have to fidget

Or so much as move

But hey

Enough said

Because you know what to do

And yes, admit it, you are afraid of how that may feel

You are more afraid than me

Scared of what all of it might mean

You say good night

Please go away

Maybe

Maybe

Come back another day

Because you know I will

I like you because deep in the lonely corners of your heart where the blood has dried and thunder roars and lighting strikes the guitar cords that scream and keep you up at night....there ...in there....you know that I am perfect as I am and I would not change you at all. I don’t expect a thing. 

Unconditionally is all I bring 

And you are so fucking afraid of that 

So you pretend that I don’t know, or care

And the moment you stop blaming me for your fear.

Will be the moment when all you think is far away, gone forever, hurting still, aches in heart, pain in chest, emptiness, unwanted stress, how can I? Where have I been? All those dreaded thoughts you have will turn into this long, untraveled, endless road where the possibility of seeing it through will ignite your heart and let the man be really YOU

Because

God damn it

She likes me just the way I am

And at last you can say out loud

It’s not really you at all 

it has only been my perception of shit

Because fuck I am just not used to being liked the way that you like me

Just as I am 

And you would not change a thing

And then you will see the side of me  that sits so still and just loves to be

Silent, gentle, kind, and strong

I’m all the chords inside your song

Shit

I thought that I was done

But now I remember the Christmas tree

Your voice dropped so quickly, 

you became that whisper that everyone wants to hear, you know when they ache and bleed as you do..that whisper that comes and relieves the pain? 

Your voice was magic in my ears.

You were happiness as only poets can describe

But within a second you were gone.

And afraid that I might start to talk too much again 

I left

I ran away too

But if I could turn back time

I would have given you what you really need

I wish I could tell you what that is

But I can’t

Because you are still too busy

Thinking about 

Well, damn it

The way you wanted it to be

And the truth is that what you wanted is everything I have ever thought about, dreamed about, longed for in my mind and heart for much too long 

Damn 

I was too stupid to see it

I guess we are both to blame

“Sigh”

Fuck

I hope one day soon 

We can try this whole damn thing again